I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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