you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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