Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
