Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
