My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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