Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
