How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
