I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
