I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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