i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
