Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
