We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
