Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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