I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Drunk is not a location!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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