Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize