I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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