I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
