I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Girls should come with a carfax report
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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