have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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