So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize