check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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