you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
