Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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