Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
