Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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