That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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