So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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