her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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