My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
