I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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