I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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