i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
