why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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