whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
