u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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