Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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