FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
