No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
