You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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