I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
