I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize