I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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