Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
