i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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