that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
