Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize