Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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