I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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