I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
