So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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