evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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