she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
