living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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