You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
