It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
