Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize