Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
