she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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