Got a toothbrush?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
